Become Emotionally Advanced

I love this quote by Siddhartha Gautama Buddha:

"You have two choices: to control your mind, or to let your mind control you."

The same goes with emotions and feelings.

How many times throughout the day do you hand your powers away to other people by reacting to what someone said or did. Maybe, you loose control of yourself in a situation that you completely have no control over, like being stuck in traffic while running late.

It happens to me as well. I am learning to master this incredible power.

Other people and different situations throughout the day can really show us a lot about ourselves. You probably think you know yourself pretty well, while the reality is different.

Just try to quickly scan your last couple of days and I'm sure you'll find someone or something that triggered you.

How did you respond?

Now, I will share with you a few tips I have learned along the way which will help you to become not just emotionally advanced but also mentally.

The ability to understand feelings and emotions has the power to improve and transform your own relationship with yourself as well as with others.

All you have to do is incorporate and use this information in your everyday life.

The Model

There are 5 main components when it comes to Daniel Goleman's model of emotional intelligence.

1. Know your emotions.

2. Manage your emotions.

3. Motivate yourself.

4. Recognize and understand other people’s emotions.

5. Manage relationships (others’ emotions)

I slightly adjusted it and broke it down into four quadrants to make it easier to understand.

Emotional Intelligence Quadrant

Having emotions and feelings allow us to experience this life in all its colors. When you become a student of life, everything and everyone becomes your teacher.

Especially when it comes to "negative emotions" because the whole point of that is to evolve. A negative feeling or emotion is simply showing you exactly what you need to work out.

When you understand your own feelings and emotions, you empower yourself to dictate how the outcome is going to play out.

Especially in relationships.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine you're talking to your beautiful wife or amazing husband and having a wonderful conversation about your future. Your partner gets a call and steps out for a few seconds. Comes back, and you continue the conversation where you left off.

BUT...

Your partner is talking with a different tone. As you continue with the conversation you notice different facial expressions that were't there before.

You might even feel a little tension or different type of energy between you two.

So you ask: "Honey, whats going on? I see a change in your mood after the call."

Honey replies: "Nothing, everything is fine."

Well, at this point it can go two ways. You can continue with the conversation, pretending everything is fine and it will be a matter of time when the ticking bomb goes off.

Or, since you now know The EI Quadrant, you put it to use and steer the conversation into the safe zone.

You recognized the change of mood, you noticed the different tone in voice before and after the call, as well as the change in facial expressions.

And now you take control of the situation in a healthy and calm way by stating a few of your observations.

"Honey, I care about you. I want to let you know that before your call we were having a great conversation, laughing, you were relaxed. And after the call I noticed a change in your tone, I can see your body is more tense, your smile is gone. I would love to hear you out, can we talk about it so it doesn't drag out?"

You recognized the change in your partner and instead of pretending like nothing is wrong, you regulated it by letting her know how you are aware of it.

By clearly expressing yourself and you'r observations.

This helps her become more self aware and get in tune with what she may be feeling in the moment. You made it safe for her to open up.

Therefore, you handled the situation effectively and made a stronger bond between the two of you.

This applies to any relationship, teamwork, or collaboration.

It is important to understand that you may ignore your emotions, but they will not go anywhere. It will simply pile up inside of you.

And as I said before, it will be a matter of time before the ticking bomb goes off.

There will always be people, situations, that will trigger inside of you, that which is not resolved.

TRANSFORMING YOUR OWN FEELINGS & EMOTIONS

Once you recognize the emotion, there are a few ways you can express it.

Do not brush it under the rug, especially with negative emotions.

Express it with words, body language, or even gestures. It's great if you have someone to talk to who understands and listens to you. If not, you can simply express it to yourself.

The whole point is to become aware.

Because you can control your emotions, all you have to do is understand what you are feeling and why.

Expression of emotions enriches human interactions.

Many people use one of the four reactions, without even knowing, when it comes to negative emotions.

1. Avoidance (isolation)

2. Denial (accumilation)

3. Identification (victim)

4. Learning and transforming

Take a few minutes to really think about it and see which of these you mostly use.

For me, it was one of the top three before I discovered the fourth.

We hear more and more people talk about the importance of mental health. But I don't see many explaining the steps of how to consciously go about.

We see it in the major sports, we see it in business, we see it in peoples personal lives.

Physical activity and wholesome foods are not enough to stay at the most optimal shape.

Most of the illnesses and diseases are caused or aggravated by mental and emotional factors such as internal conflict and stress.

This is known as psychosomatics.

And when looking back at some of my own injuries, it all makes sense to me now.

There is stimuli and reaction.

Most people react to the stimuli immediately.

But in between, I want you to know that there is a gap, space.

In that space, you have the ability to choose how to react.

Apply this and watch the magic of transformation happen right in front of your eyes.