How to build CONFIDENCE in yourself

Would you consider yourself a confident person?

Confidence is a skill. No matter how confident you may be there are times when your confidence wavers and if you're someone who doesn't see yourself as a confident individual, it is something that can be cultivated.

In my opinion you can never have too much confidence (I am not talking about cockiness).

This is another very important and valuable skill to have, but yet it is not taught in the education system how to cultivate it.

It is not surprising why many students do not feel ready when life starts happening after graduation and even if you do feel like you are prepared, your confidence will be tested quickly because the real world experiences are nothing compared to the books and tests that you did well on.

Confidence is not about being arrogant but it's about feeling sure of yourself and your abilities. It's that quiet voice within that gives you knowledge that you're capable.

Having a lack of confidence may hold you back from reaching your full potential. You are less likely to try new things and build new relationships. Worst of all, if you happened to "fail" at something, you're less likely to try again.

People close to me in my life know me as a confident individual. I can assure you that this wasn't always the case. Especially, when I was in high school and college. As I mentioned before, it is a skill that can be cultivated.

I am sharing with you a few tips that I have learned so you can adopt them into your life and feel ready for whatever life throws at you next.

When you are confident you are more likely to move forward with opportunities and people that come into your life, not back away from them.

What causes low self-esteem?

To better understand how confidence works, it is even more important to realize what is the root of self distrust. The result of low self confidence happens in childhood years. Parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, society - are always giving you feedback - either positive or negative.

The negative feedback, for some reason, plays the biggest role in adult years. Even if it's something that you may not remember, subconsciously it is playing it's role. A certain situation or person will then trigger that part of your psyche, which causes low self esteem.

For example, when I was about 7-8 years old, I was asked to come up in front of the class to state a poem. I memorized the poem, but when I stood in front of the class my memory blanked out and I remember some kid making a comment that made me feel very uncomfortable.

I never remembered that moment, until I really took the time to go within and analyze myself. Why do I get so nervous and struggle so much when I need to do a speech or talk in front of a bigger crowd? When I closed my eyes, I went back to that time when I was 7-8 years old blanking out in front of the class with some kid making a joke about me.

When I think about it now, the reason I get so nervous, is because I project that memory into the present moment and the mind naturally takes its course of creating scenarios that may or may not happen.

Taking the time to unpack that and really understand it, helped me to overcome my low self esteem when it comes to speaking in front of people.

This is the first step, becoming aware of why you may feel low self esteem or lack of confidence.

Think about it, when is the last time you experienced a lack of confidence.

What triggered you to feel that way?

Try to close your eyes and remember if there was ever a time where you felt like that in your past?

Now, instead of playing a past scenario or a scenario why something may go wrong, try to imagine how it would make you feel if it went exactly how you would like it to go.

HOW TO APPEAR MORE CONFIDENT

The trick is very simple, all you have to do is to look confident at first, even if you don't feel like it. Here are some ways you can do that:

BODY LANGUAGE

You can improve your confidence just by the way you hold your body position. Those who lack confidence, you can clearly see it in their body. Shoulders are slouched and the head is bowed down as well as avoidance of eye contact. By simply standing or sitting with a straight back, chest slightly out, and having eye contact will instantly make you feel more confident.

By projecting yourself confidently to others, you are more likely to receive positive feedback and this positive feedback will help you believe in yourself and your abilities.

MIRRORING

Whenever I get caught in a situation where my confidence wavers, I try to think of someone who is confident that I admire.

Who is someone that you know is confident?

What are his/her characteristics?

• They way they speak (use of words, tone...),

• What kind of energy does that person have? (enthusiastic, up-lifting...),

• How knowledgeable they are at something.

Try to mirror that persons characteristics.

I do this every time when I have to speak in front of a bigger group of people. I quickly think of one of my teachers that I admire and I try to mirror his characteristics mentally.

Guess what happened next, this is a true story. One time, after I did a seminar for a group of 20 people, I had multiple people that came up to me and complemented me on my talk. They said I reminded them of a specific person, that person was my teacher.

How do you think it made me feel?

My head was high, I had a huge smile on my face, and in that moment I was thinking I want to do more public talks.

REVIEW PAST ACHIEVEMENTS

When things are not going perfectly, it is natural for the mind to down spiral into the rest of your life.

It is crucial to take a moment and remind yourself of your past achievements. Your perception will change and this give permission to your mind to relook at things from a more positive lens.

List a few things that you achieved in the past and made you feel proud. What are some of the qualities that you have that made you achieve this desired result.

Use those positive qualities that you have and make affirmations out of them.

This is a powerful tool because you are ordering your mind to find more reasons and remind you why you are capable. Wherever your attention flows, energy grows.

Most importantly, this will help you to stay away from negative self talk and focus on the positive.

These simple trick are a great way to build good habits and maintain confidence for the long term.

Confident life is the ChitLife.